As some of you may know. I am an actor. For those of you who didn’t know that…look at the fricken tabs on top of your screen. (eye roll) I’m sorry… that was a little aggressive. I’ve been a little aggressive today. I was at the DMV for way too long. Honestly, the government should use the DMV as a torture tactic. #Ashleyisms Just toss all the shady mofo’s into the DMV and lock the doors. I bet in 20 minutes or less they’ll be telling you who killed who in the desert with a candlestick. No one cares about the fing DMV.
Right, back to the topic at hand, “Self-Doubt.” A lot of my friends who are in the industry come to me with a lot of woes about the hardships of the Entertainment Industry. Day in and day out of rejection splashed with hope crushed with a beautiful Prada heel. Self- Doubt plagues the whole universe. Hell, even Pluto doubts it’s a planet now. Trust me. I get it. I’ve ugly cried enough tears, I could have my own tear ocean with an island made of remorse. I’ve been told no in more awful ways then I knew was logically possible. I’ve choked under pressure. I’ve lost sleep over that one audition I completely through away and Lord knows when I’ll even get another one ever again. I've put rent one to many times on credit, I've questioned wtf it is I'm chasing after, I’ve ditched my life and started a new one, then ditched that new one to start a new one. I’ve failed so many times in my field that if Bush’s, “No child left behind rule” was in my industry, it would become null and void at this point. #Ashleyisms
Some of us are so plagued by self-doubt we still haven’t asked that girl or guy out, asked for a raise from that asshole boss, written the next best confusing TV show since LOST, left the small town bubble to become a rock star, or gotten that organic hand knitted kitten sweater line up on Etsy yet. Yup, we just sit and well in the puddles of our own tears crippled by the little voice that runs on loop in our heads. The voice that is screaming, “You shouldn’t have a blog because you honestly suck in general, let alone suck at writing a blog?” Ash, that’s not a voice inside of your head. It’s me, Mia. I am Legitimately sitting here starring at you in disgust as you type this shit post because you forgot it’s Wednesday where your suppose to blog. MIA! For Fucc…sake! Be quiet!
Self-doubt is nothing but our emotions getting the best of us in my opinion. The thing you got to remember is we are in control of our emotions. If you let them they will use you. They will crush you. They will keep you stuck and they most definitely will keep you boring AF. Unless you are one of those overly emotional types that cry a lot…then they will keep you crying in which case stop. Control yourself. Lock it up. No one likes a weeper.
We have enough critics in our lives. Enough people telling us we can’t do something. That we are no good at (fill in the blank). That we should quit while we are ahead. Why on earth would we then turn on ourselves and begin doubting ourselves when we are all we’ve got!? I say fuck self-doubt. You want to fly to Nashville and become the next T-swift!? Then I say, “Go do it! But please stick to one genre!” You want to become the top salesperson at your firm? Then I say, “Grow a pair of brass balls and push John down them stairs, and become that top guy!” If you want to be the first female president? Then I say, “Break the glass ceiling, become a bankrupt billionaire, go to Beach Bum and get that spray tan girl, run for political office with zero political experience, and fucking wing that shit! YOU’VE SERIOUSLY GOT THIS!” #Ashleyisms
My tired point is…The point is, you sound like Miss America. It’s honestly not a good look on you. Your Mom might have put you in pageants growing up, but clearly why you only would win Photogenic. You look better on mute. MY POINT IS, everyone who is looked at as a success, all the people you look up to, have studied and idolized, were normal people just like you and me. Speak for yourself. I am not normal. I’m one of a kind!
These successful folks just decided to press the F-IT button and go towards their dreams and goals without Self-Doubt using them. They might have had it for a second, but they didn’t let it knock them down. They didn’t let it paralyze them. They proved not only the critics wrong, but their once was self-doubting asses wrong.
We’ve got one life to live in this glorious hell on Earth. OMG! One Life to Live gives me LIFE! Best show ever! We might as well reach our potential. Take risks, be bold, be crazy, love as hard as you can for as long as you can, sing that tune, chase Hollywood down, do everything in your power to be heard, because YOU can do whatever your heart sets out to do as long as you go after what you want with conviction. With Lust. With drop dead assurance in yourself. Zero room for doubt. Because if you don’t believe in you- why would anyone else? #Ashleyisms
(Throws up two peace signs like a rock star)
Ashley Brooke Walter
Hey there! I hope my sarcastic humor transends off your screen or you may find me obnoxious. Which is OK with me! After all, I am a New Yorker as well as an American. (Yes. I love stereotypes when applicable.)